Ahem… guys, it is agreeable that girls are indeed mysterious.
The moment you feel you begin to understand them;
you realize that it is the beginning of another mystery which will take ages to unfold.

Sometimes the relationship ends but the mystery still remains to be unfolded.
Well guys, women are more like a labyrinth, the more you try to understand the more confused you get.

So the best way out is to leave them at their best and enjoy life the way you want. But wait…!! You again tend to get screwed up if you don’t follow their whims. So guys, you are always caught in the middle.

The more you try to understand them the more mysterious they become, the less you try to understand the more you are being nagged.

Guys, take a chill pill and relax. You won’t have to worry anymore about the fuss that goes on with your girl. There are a couple of things you got to know about girls and then life is going to be a bliss for you with no more rejections.

Most of the guys are unaware of this fact as a result of which they often end up dejected. So, get ready to guild your armor with the following things guys should know about girls:

1) The first fact you should know is that girls love to have fun. Well guys, some of you might laugh off thinking there is nothing new in it. But before you begin with you own interpretation; fun doesn’t necessarily mean you land up having sex. There are other meanings entangled to having fun. It could mean adventure or doing something different then the usual stuff.

2) Girls love attention so pay attention to whatever she is doing. By the way what does it cost you? You don't have to pay a dime to pay attention to them so give them as much as they want. Girls love to be observed, gazed at and complimented upon their life and the experiences they had shared with their partner. So, this was rule # 2.

3) Rule # 3 is a mystery to unveil the mystery. Alright! Girls love to be mysterious. They want their guys to figure out what is going on in their mind. Agreed! It is not possible to get into someone’s thought to make out what the other person is thinking. But girls tend to leave loopholes for you. So if you had listened attentively then you can pick some here and there and form it together to make out what the girl wants you to understand.

4) From the way girls talk and speak you will feel that they want you to follow their each and every whim. But in actual they don’t really want that. In short girls love minor challenges. So, gear up with all that you have to pose as a challenge to them. But mind you, girls know the right time to strike or else you could end up in a soup.

5) Last but not the least, it does'nt matter how strong and brave girls are, they love to be pampered and treated as a china doll. So, never let go a chance to pamper them.

And yes, make your girl feel comfortable when you are around her. Let her feel protected and secured and also be confident about your sexuality. Do not show your indecisiveness and insecurities, because girls like those who are confident of themselves. There are a lot more things you should know about girls but the five points listed above are the top 5 you should know. All the best!!!

Whether it be a serious relationship, a casual date or even a friendship, its important to recognize when a relationship has reached its 'sell by' date. Even more importantly, know when to walk away so that you can be the empowered one who gets to make the decision to part ways rather than having it forced upon you.

When it comes to guys, there are some very classic signs that signify that he's not interested in the relationship anymore, although he's not willing to be the bad guy and make a clean break. Maybe he's working up the courage or maybe he's not sure what to do. Either way, the signs that say he's not interested will be there and it doesn't take an expert to read them.

He is Slow About Returning Your Calls or Getting in Touch

A guy who's not interested will not return your phone calls - at least not right away. If you do happen to catch him on the phone, he will act surprised and apologetic with a million excuses why he wasn't able to call you back. Translation: He doesn't want to talk to you because he's afraid you'll ask him questions he doesn't want to answer.

In a long term relationship, if a guy doesn't return your phone calls when you call, it may be a sign of troubled times ahead because it may mean that he's got good reasons for avoid you such as he wants to break up, but needs more time or that he's hiding something you should know about it. Find out what it is, face-to-face, if possible and be prepared to make a clean break, if necessary.

He's Non-Committal or Distant

A guy who's not interested is going to act like he is. Whether he's a stranger in a bar or a long-time love, no guy wants to be constantly around a girl he's got no interest in. Sadly, many girls miss this sign and end up putting way too much stock into an initial conversation with a handsome stranger or let a relationship last much longer than it should have, getting their heart broken and their self-esteem trampled in the process.

A guy who's not interested will be distant and aloof. In the case of a handsome stranger, he will give vague answers, look around the room when talking and eventually cut the conversation short. In a relationship, a guy who's no longer interested will be non-committal - about everything. It will seem like he never wants to go anywhere or do anything. He's never sure what his plans are. Translation: He doesn't want to commit his time to doing something stupid with you when something better might present itself.

Of course everyone has bad days and rocky parts in a relationship, but a consistent pattern of apathetic behavior could be a sign that he's thinking of a way to gracefully bow out.

Sometimes dating can be really confusing, but realizing when a guy is really into you doesn't have to be. Here are 6 behaviors guys start to exhibit when they're falling for you.

1. He begins to keep it real - Most of the time when guys first approach a woman and begin to date them they'll brag on what they have and make their lives seem problem-free in an effort to impress you. A guy is beginning to fall for you when he loses the front and begins to show you the reality of his life, and confesses about the financial problems he's been having or how he's been having second thoughts about his career.

2. He starts to ask you about the future - A guy doesn't care about where you see yourself in twenty years unless he's interested in you. So if the guy you're seeing starts asking really personal questions like what your career goals are for the next five years instead of the meaningless questions like what your sign is then he's really trying to get to know you to see if you two would fit together in a relationship

3. He starts to open up - A guy is really falling for you when all he used to talk to you about was music and basketball and now he's telling you about how difficult his childhood was or how he felt when his grandma died. When a guy starts to lose the confident or tough guy image he was portraying to reveal his true feelings it lets you know that he trusts you and is comfortable enough with you to do so. A major sign that he's falling for you.

4. He asks you for your advice... and takes it - If your guy begins to really heed your advice on any of the major details of his life it shows that he values your opinion.

5. Makes you a part of his life - When the guy you're seeing takes the step to introducing you to his family and friends and really makes an effort to make you feel comfortable around them he's totally falling for you because he's beginning to bring you into his world. If they're treating you with respect and really seem interested in getting to know you it's because your guy has been talking you up which means he's definitely falling for you.

6. He starts to become distant - Even though it seems crazy, there are some commitment-phobic guys who, at the first realization that they might be falling for you, turn around and run in the opposite direction. If everything was going great between the two of you and he was exhibiting some of the signs above, but now he suddenly seems less interested in talking to you or being around you then don't take it personally or freak out.

Yes it could be that he's not into you anymore, but there's also the possibility that he suddenly realized how much he likes you and wants to be with you that it scared him especially if he loved being single. So just wait it out, and whatever you do don't keep calling him or pressing this issue with him. Go out and have fun with your friends and if he really fell for you he'll come back to you happy that he's fallen.

When you look at a guy in front of you, how can you tell him if he is interested in you? You noticed him when you were standing and talking with a friend. You think he noticed you, but maybe it was your imagination or just wishful thinking. He looked at you at about the same time you saw him. Your eyes met for just a few seconds, and then you looked away. When you looked back up, he was talking with some other people. Was he watching you as you mingled? Or were you making that up? Why are guys so hard to read?

Here are five signs that he is interested in you too. If any of the following happens, he is probably trying to get close enough to ask you out:

1. The look

He gives you a look that betrays his calm exterior. Even though he is across the room, "that look" he has says it all. It is sweeping, from your head to your toes, and then his eyes linger on yours. You think you notice the beginning of a tentative smile.

2. He tells someone

Is he interested? He likes you if he tells a mutual friend that he wants to know more about you, or he asks other people who you are and where you're from. He is trying to act like he's "just asking" but his questions indicate more than a casual interest. And when he tells someone that he finds you attractive, he probably knows that it will get back to you. He's hoping it does.

3. The conversation

Does he like you? When he manages to get close enough to you, to ask you questions, he is interested. He appears to be listening and responds to what you say. He's moving in to the ultimate question, which is: "Are you seeing anyone?" He would only ask this question if he wanted to date you, and he hopes the answer is "No." Never ever wear a ring in public. When a guy is across the room, he cannot tell which finger it is on and he may assume incorrectly that you are taken. If he doesn't ask you the question of whether or not you are attached, he may ask someone whom you both know.

4. He appears unexpectedly

He likes you a lot if he shows up out of nowhere. He can only do that if he has been asking people about your schedule, or he has been paying attention to where you are going and at what time. His face may turn red when he sees you. A sudden, "Oh, hi," is his way of saying, "I don't want to seem obvious, but I am interested in you." If you feel the same way, do not act shy. Stop and talk to him.

5. EVERYONE likes you

Is he interested? When you are well liked and a happy person, why wouldn't he like you? Of course he does. If you don't have a great life, however, now is your time to start working on one. Take a look at your career possibilities, body image, future, plans, and resources. You may be naturally talented at something, but it won't matter unless you work on your strengths. Misused or unused talents fade away. School and training do not.

These are the five signs that he is interested and he is on the verge of asking you out. Make it easy for him and be friendly. This is where relationships begin.

He may not have said he loves you yet or even asked to be his girl but you can still tell by little things he does whether he's really serious about you or not.

How can you tell if a guy really likes you? By the way he looks at you or if he showers you with flowers or gets jealous when he sees you with other men? Actually you can't tell by any of these. Some guys do big showy romantic gestures for every girl they meet while others shy away from them. The only truly reliable way to tell if he's serious about you is to pay attention to the little gestures.

He Calls for no Reason
He'll randomly call you or message you just to hear the sound of your voice, using almost anything as an excuse. He wants to be with you so much that he feels the need to call you often and isn't afraid to let you know it.

His Friends Know All About You
If you hear him mention your name to friends of his who've never even met you and then notice that they know exactly who he's talking about, it's a definite sign that he's serious about you. It shows that he you're on his mind even when he's not hanging out with you. Also, the fact that his friends all know about you show that he wants you to be a part of his life and doesn't just see you as a temporary girl.

He Refers to the Two of You as We
His comments are obviously reflecting the fact that he already considers you as an integral part of his life.

He Wants to Know About Your Interests
He'll want to know all about your interests and hobbies and will listen intently as you describe them, even if they are topics that coming from anyone else wouldn't interest him much. He isn't just trying to come up with small talk, he really wants to get to know you better and understand what makes you unique.

He's Nice To Your Friends
He'll take a sudden interest in all of your friends and will try to get to know them better. Whatever their interests are, he'll try to please them to get closer to you because he knows that becoming friends with them will ultimately make him closer to you.

If You Compliment a Shirt He'll Keep Wearing It

This shows that he wants to please you and that when he gets up in the morning to get dressed he's already thinking about you. Even though he may only see you a few hours a day, he's willing to wear a certain clothing article for the whole day just because you like it.

He Opens Up to You
Guys find it notoriously difficult to share their feelings with others. So if he tells you about himself and talks about deeper issues such as how he feels about his family and life changing events, not just ranting about his day at work, it means that he's pretty serious. That kind of trust takes the relationship to a whole other level.

We are simple creatures. We men, we manly men. We are not complicated networks of emotional gatherings. Men have very simple needs and wants. Women have the power to fulfill these wants and needs very easily without doing very much on their part.

What does it take to really please your man?

1. Give us our personal time. It all starts when our life disappears into oblivion. We used to have time that involved no one else. During this time we could think or do what we please. In a relationship this time is gone forever. We need our own time to be ourselves. It does not mean time to go find other women. It means time for me to be a separate entity. To have my own thoughts, feelings, and to be able to do something or not do something without hurting someone else's feelings. We used to have friends. We used to even have our own opinions. Why do we need either of those when we have our woman as a friend and her opinions as a package deal. It's important that men are able to have some time to be apart from their woman. It really helps men feel as if they are allowed to be themselves.

2. Freedom to make decisions. Let us make decisions and support the decisions we made even if you totally disagree or think we're idiots. We need to feel like we have some control over our life. Our decisions are the only control we have. When our decision making is gone we feel trapped. We need to feel like we have choices. If there are no choices left we may seek options that provide choices.

3. We want our woman to be sexy. If we are with you then we are completely attracted to you. Even if you are overweight, pregnant, blemished, etc. We wouldn't be with you if we didn't have a desire for you physically. It is so simple it is funny to think that women don't understand this basic principle. Be confident in your body under all circumstances, dress sexy during intimate moments and we will be pleased! You are sexy if you believe you are sexy because you come across sexy in the way you hold yourself. We already love your body, we would definitely be more attracted to you if you acted like you were attractive. Some women reading this will not understand this last comment.

4. Naps. This is our sacred time. Naps are more sacred than the earliest recordings of human history. Naps are our spiritual retreat. We want naps. We love naps. It rejuvenates us, excites us, makes us jump for joy. Men really want the ability to take naps. There is nothing more important to us than nap time. This ritual has been passed down through the generations from man to man to man. Naps are when we are really concentrating on thinking up new and really incredible places we can take out our woman. It is written by Confucius - 'Naps are the fountain'.

5. Talk to us and let us know what the *&%$ is wrong with you. Can you please start letting your man know exactly what is wrong. Men want you to tell them why you are acting like the world has been hit by a meteor but you're telling them everything is wonderful. Men want to converse. Men want to know what they can do to always make you happy. Men would love for their woman to always be in a great mood and happy. We just have no idea how to make that happen. Clear communication that something is wrong would be appropriate and necessary for a healthy relationship. Men like to know how to make you happy. Men want to know how to make their woman smile. Men do not want conflict. Men want to talk directly. It seems as if women want men to read tea leaves to find out about their disappointments.

Men are simple. We want to be happy. We want our woman to be happy. The end.

After any long-term relationship it may be tough to find the inner strength or desire to open your heart to love again. When a love interest comes knocking at your door, how do you know that old battle wounds and scars have been healed enough to let love in? Seeing as each person is completely individual, there really isn't a way to know exactly when the right time to begin a new relationship is.

What may work for one person, may not work for another. Fortunately, there are a few key attributes that successful relationships have in common. If you find that you meet these, then it may be time to let love in. When you're ready to analyze your heart's state of affairs, take an honest look at the questions below to determine how ready you really are.

1 - How stable is your life? How can you possibly hope to keep a relationship together if your life isn't put together properly? I think many of us use relationships as a way to help fix ourselves, when actually; we should be trying to do that before we find someone else. Isn't it true that a good many of our love interests result from someone who was there to give us a stable hand? How do you think your next relationship will benefit if you were already stable?

2 - Have you learned something about yourself from every past relationship? On our path through life we encounter many different obstacles, people and experiences. This is what makes us unique. Everyone has a different life experience. The people who create happy lives take each experience and make it work for them, especially if it is a negative one. If you haven't learned something about the way you interact with another person from your past relationships, you're living in cycle that won't get broken until you take the time to find out. You can't possibly expect to break negative habits if you're not aware of them.

3 - Have you narrowed down your specific desires as to what type of person you want to meet? Each relationship offers us an opportunity to review our master list of qualities of our ideal mate. Sometimes, what we thought we wanted didn't even come close to what we really needed. After a long-term relationship it is especially prudent to revise your list of desirable traits. Were there things about your past partner that hindered you from being really you? What traits would help you feel the most comfortable with being yourself?

4 - Are you really over your past? You may be thinking "Don't you mean past love?" Sometimes, I find we identify our past with our past loves. Our life may have included something that was special that we may be feeling is missing now. Somehow that gets wrapped up in our emotions with our past love. So, instead of trying to find new ways to make our life more complete, we think we need to have our past love to feel complete. Make sure you identify your real sources of desire before beginning a new relationship.

5 - Have you talked about your feelings with someone else? It is often easier to deal with the real issues of the heart privately. However, this isn't always the best option. Talking about what's really going on in your mind and your heart gives you the opportunity to release any painful or negative emotions you didn't know you had bottled up. Trust me, there are almost always bottled up emotions you're unaware of. If you don't have anyone you feel you can trust to talk to, try talking to a group of people online. A great place to start would be our anonymous advice forums. Use them as a sounding board to get inspiration or just to get everything off your chest. Whoever you talk to, you'll be glad you did.

So it happened. The break up. Whether things had been going downhill for a while or it came about suddenly, whether it was his decision or yours, the details aren't important. What's important is that it's over. And whether it's the end of your first love affair or your fifth divorce, you still have the same task before you: getting over him. Here are a few things you can do to help the healing.

1. Find a positive attitude and try to maintain it. Being depressed doesn't do anybody any good. Besides, believe it or not, there can be many good things about breaking up. You are now liberated, free to pursue other dreams, other experiences, maybe even other men. This might seem scary and overwhelming but it isn't. The world is bright, beautiful, and full of opportunity. Repeat this over and over until you believe it.

2. Whatever you do, do NOT call him. At least not yet. Give it at least five days. If you hope to work things out, five days will give you both time to cool off and think things through. If it's over for good, five days of 'detox' should hopefully be enough time to make the urge to call him less strong. Bury your phone if you have to.

3. Better yet, use it. Call an old friend, maybe one you lost touch with during the relationship. Feel free to tell your pal all the heartbreaking details and receive some support, but don't spend the whole conversation wallowing in despair. Find out what your pal's been up to, share old memories, tell funny stories. Hopefully it will raise your spirits and remind you that being single is just fine if you have great friends by your side.

4. If the pain just won't go away, find ways to distract yourself and pass time. Look up a recipe online and try to make it. Watch an old favorite movie. Fill in coloring book pages. Knit a scarf. Plant a garden.

5. Pamper yourself. You've been through a lot and you deserve some special treatment. Get a pedicure or give yourself one if you're short on cash. Do something you always wanted to do but never got around to, whether its rock climbing or ordering sushi. Pick a day and declare it your national holiday. Wear your favorite outfit, play your favorite songs, go to your favorite local place and cook your favorite food for dinner. Remember the date so you can celebrate it again next year. By then, this whole ordeal will be just a memory.

6. Rejoice in your newfound freedom. Get dressed up. Buy a new outfit or mix an old one up with some fresh accessories. Just think: He's never gonna see this, this is just for you. Go out, whether you hit up a hot local club or just take a long walk to the store. Imagine these first few days as your debut. You don't want to spend them sulking. Keep your hair done, your makeup nice, and your strongest smile on. This is the best way to face any crisis or opportunity.

7. When you're ready, sit down and have an honest conversation with yourself about the whole thing. Why did the relationship fail? Try to see what areas where you messed up, as well as the parts where he was just a no-good undeserving asshole. The good thing about any mistake is the chance to learn and grow. Identify a few good memories you'll want to keep, and make a list of all the bad things you're glad you'll never have to deal with again. Is there a real chance that the two of you will eventually get back together? Is that really what you want, and is it even a good idea? It's smart to write these things down on paper. In love, the heart usually gets to make all the decisions, but in break-ups, it's good to let the brain have a say.

8. Gain some perspective. Remember that boy in eighth grade? Remember how deep that felt, and now it's something you look back and laugh about. Why can't this one day be like that? Think about other relationships that ended. The thing about falling in love is that it makes you forget you were ever in love before, and believe that you will never be in love again after this. But it's not true, and deep down you know it. 3.5 billion other men in the world may sound like a low number, but trust me, it's not. Talking to another chick who's been there can help, especially one a few years older. Hearing someone else say it can help you believe it faster: this is not the end of the world.

All throughout the years women and men everywhere have pondered the infamous mind boggling question, is he/she the one? We all know what the one means, are they going to be the one that you end up with, and how do you know for sure. There is confusion everywhere, you know that there is one out there who's perfect for you, but is this one it? The old term cold feet is one thing that describes someone who is having second thoughts about a marriage, however, what if it's not marriage. What if you just wonder if he/she is the right person for you to consider being with, possibly marriage one day, or if not that's ok too, just the right one to be with. How do we know for sure, there are a few key ways to make sure, and I'll let you in on them.

Any time that you are in a relationship and it is starting to get serious, there are a few key facts that you want to look at. The first being, where did this person come from. No one wants to be with a loser for the rest of their life. You can actually tell a lot about someone by their family, and their friends. If their friends are deadbeats, nine out of ten chances you are dating someone who is immature, and the chances of him/her ever growing up is very slim until very late in age. Do you really have time to set around and wait for that? I know I don't have time for someone to decide that they want to be an adult. I need to make sure that if our relationship gets little more intense, then they need to be right there with me, and not leaving someone out to dry.

The next important factor to consider is if you can actually picture yourself with your love for the rest of your life. If you can't see yourself with them when your older, then why are you with them now, unless it's just for fun. If you can see yourself walking down a red carpeted aisle with them in front of a pastor then that person is the one you should be with. However, if someone were to walk up to you and ask you if you are going to marry this person, and you have doubts in your mind, chances are that you already know that there are too great of differences between you and your partner, and it might not work out in the end. There are slim chances, but nothing that is head turning.

Last but not least is the level mind. You want someone who is legit, not giving false promises all of the time. If you have someone who gives false promises all of the time, then get away and get away fast, they are not the ones for you, or anyone else. Remember honesty is the best policy. If you can't trust your lover to be honest with you, then you don't need to be with them. Honesty becomes trust, and trust becomes a greater love between the both of you. However, on the adverse side, if honesty is not present then you will be dealing with jealousy, being upset, and possibly hate in the future. No one wants to end a relationship on terrible terms, so try to stop it before it gets too deep. Remember if you are not in the right relationship, that other person may be out there right now, and looking for you, but your all tied up. If you don't have those qualities in the relationship then you all are just wasting your and your partners time. There is a thousand fish in the sea, let's try to match the hook to the fish.

Love is a lot more than thinking about a person every moment and obsessing over them. It's more than butterflies in your stomach and your heart skipping a beat. The person you really love is the only one you can think about, and the person you want to spend all your time with. You're totally comfortable around this person and are able to be your true self with them. You're able to stick together through the tough times and the easy times. Most importantly, when you are really in love, you just know.

While you do feel that initial rush of feelings when you first meet him or her, that initial rush never goes away and sticks around even if you don't want it to. When you're really in love, you feel and experience things that you've never felt or experienced before. When you're really in love you don't care about other guys or girls, you only care about the love of your life.

Without a doubt, you know that he or she is the one for you. There is no maybe or possibly about it, you know that you have found Mr. or Mrs. Right. You don't care what others think, and you can't imagine your life without them. When you're really in love, the other person can really hurt you, even if they did not mean to. Just the thought of being apart from them is enough to break your heart. Thinking about not spending the rest of your life with this person makes you cry and isn't something you ever want to think about.

The best way to know that you're really in love is by knowing that nothing is missing. When you're really in love, everything is there. When you're not in love, there's always going to be something missing from the relationship. When you're really in love, everything is there that you want to be there. You also know that no one will ever be able to replace them in your heart.

With real love, you are genuinely happy and it just feels right. How do you know when you're really in love? Listen to your heart honestly, and it will tell you. Don't just hear what you want to hear, really listen for the truth and accept it. If you really need to ask if you're truly in love, you're not in love. When you're really in love, you don't question your feelings at all.

There are times when neglect is a little more straight-forward. In some cases, one person in the relationship is fairly explicit with what they need and the other person neglects that need, either directly or indirectly. This is absolutely poisonous to a relationship.

There is nothing that can make one partner resent the other faster than neglect. As we have already established, we enter an intimate relationship in order to get certain needs met. When these needs are intentionally or unintentionally ignored, it causes the person whose needs aren’t being met to feel angry, offended, ashamed, demeaned, and unsafe in the relationship. This is a terrible position to be in.

When this happens, the partner who is being neglected sometimes uses this to justify having an affair, in the hopes that they will get their needs met in another relationship. This is not a healthy way to approach this issue. And if the cheater has, in fact, been neglected, it is still no excuse to engage in an affair.

Again, this is primarily an issue of communication. You need to learn how to communicate what you need to your partner in a way that they can hear. If they consistently have neglected an issue that you have communicated in the past, then you need to discuss this as well.

The injured person who is affected by the affair always has their need to feel safe and secure in their relationship neglected. This is to be expected, and you must accept and deal with it if you are going to make your relationship work.

If you are in a situation where your partner intentionally and consistently ignores your needs and shows no indication that they intend to change that behavior, you might need to sit down, take a hard look at your relationship, and assess whether it is working.

It only takes one person to split up a relationship, but it takes two people actively working at it to make a relationship successful.

This is particularly true if your partner has ignored previous expressions of your need for them to be faithful to the relationship. If they have consistently ignored this basic necessity and you feel strongly that they aren’t making any effort to change in this regard, it could be time to end the relationship.

Whatever your position, you need to temper your needs with a bit of reality. Understand that your needs will not be met all of the time. People make mistakes. Your partner may fail to take care of your needs from time to time. This could even happen with issues you have discussed in the past.

Remember, when you enter an intimate relationship, you are taking all of your most important and difficult psychological issues with you. Your partner is doing the same thing. From time to time, this differing set of needs and expectations is bound to cause some friction in the relationship. This means that sometimes needs will be ignored, both intentionally and unintentionally.

Relationships require work. Anyone who has been in a successful, long-term relationship will tell you this. Work, in this context, doesn’t just mean doing chores and making money. When I say work here, I mean emotional work. Sometimes you have to forgive your partner a bit. Sometimes you have to accept them for who they are. Sometimes you have to come to terms with the fact that you can’t always get what you want. The product you are offering (you) is not perfect, and you can’t expect your partner to be perfect either.

But you always need to communicate with your partner. Sometimes this isn’t so easy, but the cost of not communicating is neglect. And as you have seen, neglect can destroy an otherwise good relationship. So stop neglecting your partner, and stop neglecting yourself. 

Ten Destructive Habits That Demolish Trust
 

1.  Neglecting Your Partner. You will remember that attention is one of the building blocks of trust. Neglect is its antithesis. If you consistently neglect your partner, you can be assured that any trust you’ve developed will falter. Be attentive, not neglectful. Here are some ways you might be neglecting your partner:

2.  Angry Outbursts. Anger is a feeling. At some time, each of us gets angry. It’s what you do with your anger that can harm your relationship. The caution here is that even when you are angry, be respectful and reassure your partner that you are just angry, not dismissing or un-loving them.

3.  Unfair Accusations. You will get nowhere by accusing your partner of not caring about you, having never loved you, going out with their paramour when they are five minutes late from work, trying to take revenge on you, or intentionally trying to hurt you. Accusation is not a good way to rebuild your relationship. It makes your partner defensive, and a combination of accusation and defensiveness generally just leads to useless arguments.

4.  Constant Fighting. If you are constantly bickering with your partner at this point in the program, you need to review the 2-stage method for conversation that I presented in Section 6. In it you will find ways to be an active listener. If you cannot effectively do this exercise, then you might want to seek professional counseling. Fighting all the time is akin to being angry all the time. It simply doesn’t work to create a healthy and loving atmosphere in which a relationship can flourish in.

5.  Taking Revenge. Revenge in any form is a mistake. You certainly don’t want to take revenge and have an affair yourself. Nor do you want to get involved in any other kind of revenge. We have already discussed that issue. Even small ways of being vengeful, like snapping at your partner when they say something you don’t like, biting sarcasm, or saying passive, hurtful things to or about them, should be avoided. If you feel the desire to be vengeful, go back to Section 1 and look at your feelings more closely.

6.  Disrespectful or Demeaning Comments. These don’t serve any kind of healthy relationship, and you should particularly avoid them if you are recovering from an affair. There is always a cleaner, more direct way to communicate your needs than being demeaning.

Some people, for example, combine their own frustration with a simple request such as, “Will you open the door for me, please.” The combination of the frustration and the request make the person sound angry. If they are frequently frustrated or overwhelmed, they might come across as always being angry or always talking with an angry voice to their partner. Situations like this are not demeaning by intent, but that is the unintentional impact.

7.  Nagging. You certainly will have to make requests of each other from time to time, and you might have to do so multiple times in a day. Asking once or twice about something is okay. Once you go beyond that, you will probably be accused of nagging. If a responsible adult needs more than a few reminders, then some other issue is at work. This is when you need a conversation about the request and whatever issue might be present around that request. Think of times when your partner has nagged you; what issue was going on for you that kept it going? Now think of a time when you nagged your partner. Make a guess about what issue was going on for them that kept it going.

8.  Intentionally Engaging in Irritating Habits. If you intentionally annoy your partner by engaging in habits that you know irritate them, then you are not doing all you can to rebuild the trust in your relationship. Cease the behavior, and look at what lies beneath your desire to irritate.

9.  Selfish Demands. A relationship isn’t about you. It isn’t about your partner either. It’s about both of you together as a unit. You need to have your needs met in order for the relationship to function in a healthy way. However, selfish demands do not fall in line with this. These kinds of demands inhibit trust by telling your partner you think your needs are more important than their needs. End the selfishness. Open up to the world of sharing your life with your partner.

10. Dishonesty. I left this for the end of the list because if there is one of the 10 destructive habits that I want you to remember to avoid, it’s this one. The only thing dishonesty can achieve is a breakdown in trust. It serves nothing else. Don’t get confused into thinking that dishonesty will make your life easier later or that you are somehow protecting your autonomy by lying. It won’t, and you aren’t. Dishonesty only serves to further hamper your progress toward a more beautiful relationship.

It's amazing what we'll go through to avoid being alone or to postpone the unpleasantness of a breakup. The breakup of an intimate relationship is certainly one of the most difficult of life's experiences. For most people, the process of letting go of a person with whom one has been in love is a period of extreme uncertainty and confusion.

For many people, Love is the greatest obstacle to letting go. But The Art Of Letting Go demonstrates how it must be understood that once we let go, the love which we originally felt is now of a different nature. Love is the primary force which leads us into a relationship and it is also the primary force for leading us successfully out of a relationship. It is learning how to change the form of love which offers the individual the power to transcend suffering and to begin on the path to fulfillment in life.

"What is Letting Go?"

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring. It means I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off. It's the realization that I can't control another.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another. It's to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To "let go" is to fear less and to love more.

Healing Through Letting Go

Letting Go. Releasing. Moving on. These are words that come to mind when holding on to the status quo becomes too painful or takes too much energy. Even when we're ready, it's seldom easy to let go. But when we do, both we and the other person can become the people we were meant to be—loving without feeling we must control or be dependent on the other for our happiness.

How do you know when it's time to end a relationship? Most of the time, people stay in bad relationships way too long, hoping it will go back to the way it was in the beginning. The truth is, several relationships start off great then they decline so slowly that you don't even realize it until you're in too deep.

If you're not happy in a relationship, you have to stop and take a very close look at it. What has changed? When you can answer that question and realize the change is permanent, then you have to ask yourself, is this way I want to live?

Once a relationship reaches a certain point, true colors come to the surface. They may have been there the whole time, but for some reason you just didn't see it. It's perfectly natural and happens to many of us. Love/lust is truly blind.

When it comes to your life, you must take charge of your emotions and use your mind. If you don't see in your partner what you saw in the beginning, likely as not, what you are seeing now is the real person. Is this who you honestly want to be with, or is the person they were during the beginning of your relationship the one you really want?

That person never really existed. They were either the person you wanted them to be, or they weren't showing their true colors. They are not going to change. Staying in a bad relationship, hoping it will turn around, is like stacking chairs on a sinking ship.

There's a big difference in having occasional arguments and constant emotional stress. If there is constant emotional stress, you should seriously consider terminating the relationship. It's a difficult decision, but if you are in a doomed relationship, you are both wasting precious years of your lives.

Many times, a person has qualities that attract us and we sometimes fail to see the negative qualities in them until we're deeply involved in the relationship. Sometimes the attraction is simple lust. The person may strongly stimulate our sexual desire. So much in fact that at first, we tend to ignore the less desirable qualities, until we're well into the relationship.

Then there are times when the relationship grows into one of genuine affection, but not real love in the sense of marital commitment. This is truly unfortunate in that we really care for the person, but not as a soul mate. If you truly care for this person, you'll want the best for them and allowing them to believe you feel more for them than you truly do is hurting you both.

It is very difficult to end a relationship, especially if you've been together for any length of time. But the longer it goes on, the harder it will be when you finally walk away. Life is too short to spend it in the company of someone you're not happy with. There could be someone out there who is truly meant for you.

1. Both sides see the relationship as an opportunity to give 

One of the basic relationship problems is selfishness. Selfishness occurs when someone focuses more on getting rather than giving. The more someone focuses on getting, the more selfish he or she becomes. That’s why the willingness to give is essential for good relationships. Both parties should see the relationship as an opportunity to give. This is the foundation upon which the other points below are built.
 

2. Both sides are willing to change
 

Nobody is perfect but everyone can grow. In a good relationship, both sides are willing to change. They realize that they are not perfect and there is still a lot of room for improvement. Instead of blaming their partner when something goes wrong, they look inside to see if there is something they can change. When both sides have this attitude, the relationship grows stronger and stronger.

3. Both sides are willing to admit mistakes

In a good relationship, both parties aren’t afraid to admit mistakes. Instead of being defensive, they openly admit the mistakes they make. They can then work together to correct the mistakes. This, of course, is not easy to do. It takes a humble heart to admit mistakes.

4. Both sides are willing to listen first

In a good relationship, both sides are good listeners. They are willing to understand their partner’s position first before trying to get understood. Doing this is much easier when both sides see the relationship as an opportunity to give (characteristic #1).

5. Both sides support each other

Not only are both sides willing to listen, but also they give what their partner needs. The law of reciprocity states that when we do good to others they will also do good to us. We reap what we sow. By supporting each other, both sides in the relationship get what they need.

6. Both sides are open to each other

Misunderstanding is one of the basic relationship problems. That’s why it’s essential that both sides are open to each other. When they have something they don’t like about their partner, they should communicate it rather than just keeping it in their heart. Of course, they should do so in a respectful way so as not to offend their partner.

7. Both sides have integrity

In a good relationship, both parties act in line with what they think and say. They keep their promises. This is important because they can then trust each other. This trust makes the relationship strong.

Now that we’ve seen some characteristics of good relationships, what should we do? How can we build good relationships? The answer is we should start with ourselves. It’s difficult to change someone else, but we can always change ourselves. Start applying the characteristics above in your life. If you do that, people who relate with you will notice and eventually do the same to you.

Looking at the above points, here are what you should do:

1.      See the relationship as an opportunity to give

2.      Be willing to change

3.      Be willing to admit your mistakes

4.      Listen first

5.      Support your partner

6.      Be open to your partner

7.      Have integrity

If you do them, you will be a good relationship builder.
 

1. Misunderstanding

Misunderstanding is perhaps the most common problem in relationships. Sometimes your friends misinterpret what you do or say. Or it’s you who misinterpret them. Depending on the maturity of the people involved, such misunderstanding could be solved quickly or it could open the way to more serious problems.

Misunderstanding is caused either by lack of quality or quantity in communication. You could spend a lot of time to communicate with your friends, but if the quality of the communication is low then there is a good chance that misunderstanding will happen.

The problem could also happen because you and your friend don’t communicate often enough. If both parties are busy, they may not have the chance to communicate what they need or want which may eventually lead to misunderstanding.

2. Selfishness

Another common problem in relationships is selfishness. Perhaps both parties understand what the other party needs, but one or both of them are not willing to give it. They prefer to just keep it for themselves. In this case, the problem is lack of action instead of lack of understanding.

For example, it takes time to build relationships but we may be too busy to provide time for others. While we can’t generalize the case, being busy could be a form of selfishness. Just wanting to be understood without trying to understand is also a form of selfishness.

These two basic problems cause many other relationship problems. Being judgmental, for instance, is often caused by selfishness. We want others to meet our expectations and we blame them when they don’t.

Anger could be caused my misunderstanding. You may think that your friend does something bad to you while she actually doesn’t intent to. Perhaps she does you good but you misinterpret it. Misunderstanding causes us to misinterpret positive as negative.

These two relationship problems may seem simple, but solving them requires serious effort. It may take years or even lifetime to learn how to solve them. But being aware of them is a good first step because we can’t win a war if we don’t even know the enemy.

Relationship problem #1: Lack of trust

Trust is an essential part of a relationship.
Trust becomes an issue when one partner doesn't feel the other is being honest, or doesn't have his or her best interests at heart.  It can become a major issue if one of you feels the other has a roving eye - or worse, sees signs of a cheating spouse.

One solution is a "trust talk." You and your partner need to ask one another about your feelings about and experience with dependability and commitment. What are the behaviors that are causing you to lose trust in your partner or to doubt his or her commitment? You need to think about this carefully -- do you have unresolved issues of your own that hinder your ability to trust others? You have to have a trustworthy partner, but you also have to have the ability to trust.

These tips are to help you and your partner develop trust in each other.

·         Be consistent.

·         Be on time. When you have to be late, call and say you'll be late.

·         Do what you say you will do, and call when you say you will call.

·         Don't lie - not even little white lies - to your partner or to others.

·         Be fair, even in an argument.

·         Be sensitive to the other's feelings. You can still disagree, but don't discount how your partner feels.

·         Carry your fair share of chores.

·         Respect your partner's boundaries.

·         Be a good listener.

·         Try not to overreact when things go wrong.

·         Don't dig up old wounds. Remember that once you say things, you can't take them back.

·         Don't be jealous.

Relationship problem #2: Not enough communication

Many couples assume that handling daily tasks is communicating. But true communication means sharing your goals and thoughts and dreams.

It's important to spend at least five minutes a day talking about topics other than work, your schedules. This can be in person, on the phone, or even in email. Or make a point of gathering at the dinner table each night to talk.

Communicating with each other can go a long way toward resolving your relationship problems. But don't be hesitant to seek help from a professional counselor. Whether you're a new couple, in the middle of your relationship, or long-established partners, a third party can help you if you get stuck.

Relationship problem #3: Money issues

Money issues are a sore spot for many couples. Addressing them involves many questions; from how much money you each think you should save to who earns more and who makes the financial decisions. Money is an especially sensitive subject. People just don't like to talk about it.

Every three months, you should schedule a "money talk." Make a list of short- and long-term financial goals, and plan for how much you're spending and how much you're saving. It's not unusual for one partner to play a more primary role in money matters, but the other partner should be involved and aware. One person shouldn't be making big financial decisions alone.

 
Relationship problem #4: Managing conflict

Most couples argue from time to time. It's not the amount of conflict, but how you handle it. Destructive behavior, such as yelling, shouting, or withdrawing, is not appropriate. You need to develop a constructive conflict style.

Start by bringing up your concerns in a timely way, but find the right time to talk. (Of course, not when your partner has just ended work after a long day.) Remain as calm as possible, and use "I statements" to explain how you think and feel. For example: "I feel neglected when you don't call if you're going to be late," instead of: "You're so thoughtless you can't even pick up a phone." Make sure you're really listening to what your partner is saying, not thinking about your response while he or she is talking. Keep lines of communication open - remember, disagreement doesn't necessarily mean disrespect.

Relationship problem #7: Maintaining compatibility

Compatibility doesn't always mean having similar hobbies and interests. Rather, it has more to do with having similar attitudes and values. Couples who feel the same way about issues such as children, religion, and lifestyle are more likely to stay together.

The solution again is to talk. You don't need to be compatible on all issues, but you should think alike on at least some of the major issues in your relationship. For the topics you don't agree on, you should discuss whether there's room for compromise or negotiation, and how this might affect your relationship. For instance, if one of you really wants children and the other really doesn't, you need to honestly evaluate whether you can maintain your relationship.

While you're resolving a relationship problem

If you're working on one of these relationship problems, there are things you can do that will help you appreciate each other while you resolve them. You should keep the following in mind:

1.      Respect each other. Speak and behave respectfully toward one another. Don't humiliate or put your partner down, especially in public. When you speak with each other, speak as you did when you first started dating.

2.      Show appreciation of one another. Say "Thank You," and "I appreciate that you" It lets your partner know that he or she matters.

3.      Be realistic. Thinking your mate will meet all your needs - and will be able to figure them out without your asking - is a Hollywood fantasy. Ask for what you need directly.

4.      Recognize that the two of you are different, come from different families, and have been raised differently. Rather than getting annoyed or assuming that your partner doesn't care, open up and be receptive to learn about your partner's different way of doing things.

5.      Use humor. Learn to let things go, and enjoy one another more. Have fun!